Mattel

As you may have heard, Mattel just announced a new line of “diverse” Ken dolls to accompany their already diverse Barbie doll line. With three different sizes (broad, slim, and original) and several different skin tones and facial features, the line is an apparent attempt to reflect an increasingly diverse America. But uh, I have some questions. Maybe after watching this wild video, you will have some too.

OK, here we go.

1. Why is their hair hard plastic?

2. Did we really need more than one platinum blond, blue-eyed Ken?

3. Are the “broad” Kens (pictured above) really supposed to reflect a more realistic, dadbod-inspired body type?

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4. Why would you even think about having manbun Ken when you could just re-release the Shang Ken doll from the Mulan Barbie set?

5. Why does this (supposedly Asian) Ken doll look like my (white) editor?

6. What does diversity even mean anymore?

7. Back to Manbun Ken: Did they have to give him the “tribal-inspired print” shirt? Like did they have to make him That Guy Ken?

8. Where do these Kens get their eyebrows done?

9. Does this one know you can’t use Pepe ironically anymore or is he trolling?

10. Where. Is. The. Scruff?

11. Okay but where can I get the cactus shirt?

12. How come none of the blond dolls have teeth-baring grins?

13. Is Ken... okay?

14. All of these outfits are very preppy and/or SoCal—where is blogger Ken? Or Antifa Ken? Where are the Ken skirts?

15. WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE?

16. Does this one come with a mini-Chainsmokers vinyl?

17. This one volunteered in Kenya once for two weeks in college and now only refers to Africa as “the motherland,” huh?

18. Does male allyship always look like the gentrification of feminism?

19. Will this be enough to save Mattel from certain disaster in face of the increasing popularity of uh, apps?

20. Yo can that Dream Daddy dating sim come out any sooner please?