Cosmo’s retrofabulous guide to stretching is pure sex

We’re almost six weeks into the new year, and let’s be real, those resolutions lost steam by January 6. Need some extra direction to get your booty into shape? Let us start you off with some simple stretches! And by us, I mean the November 1974 issue of Cosmopolitan. Which, of course, is totally NSFW.

To put the four-page spread in context: Exercise hadn’t yet become a craze among American women (see: jiggle machines), so while stretching might not seem very hardcore, it was a perfectly acceptable regimen. The spread appeared pre-Jane Fonda bringing aerobics to the masses, and pre-yoga pants as we know them. Pants, in general, didn’t appear to play a big role in working out.

And now let us present “The Sensuous Stretch…To make you a sleek, supple pussycat,” Cosmo’s very own “sensuous sleekening program.”

Credit: Cosmopolitan

Ooh. Sultry. It’s basically an American Apparel ad.

Credit: Cosmopolitan/Yvette Santiago Banek

Yep, this appeared in Cosmo over 40 years ago, and something tells me the nudity + presence of pubic hair (even in cartoon form) might not have made the cut today. Moral of the story: We all need to be on 1974’s level.