Fox News commentator Wayne Simmons says he worked as an "Outside Paramilitary Special Operations Officer" for the CIA for almost 30 years. His operations were so special, in fact, the FBI can't seem to find evidence they happened at all.

Simmons was arrested Thursday on federal charges that he lied about being a CIA officer to bolster his career. They also allege he used his false credentials to get a job as a military adviser and engage in real estate fraud.

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Through his appearances in conservative media, Simmons has repeatedly claimed to have worked undercover around the world doing the secret, dirty work of the United States. Simmons, speaking as part of the Accuracy in Media Citizen's Commission on Benghazi, spoke about that record:

"The 4 men who died in Benghazi, the warriors, I am that guy. I've been that guy. I spent 27 years in what is termed outside paramilitary special ops. I ran deep cover intelligence operations my entire career. Nobody knew who I was. Nobody was allowed to know who I was."

Although Simmons is probably best recognized from his Fox News appearances, the indictment is more concerned with allegations he falsified his employment history to "obtain government security clearances and work as a defense contractor, including at one point successfully getting deployed overseas as an intelligence advisor(sic) to senior military personnel." The indictment also claims Wayne used his alleged falsified experience to convince someone to invest $125,000 in a real estate deal that did not exist.

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A website claiming to belong to Simmons shows a network of ventures, all predicated on his having served in the CIA. There's a column, a novel, a film adaptation of said novel and an identity fraud protection service.

The Amazon page for the novel includes a blurb by Bush defense secretary Donald Rumself where the politician seems to back up Simmons' credentials.

"Wayne Simmons doesn't just write it. He's lived it, and that's why he and Mark Graham can tell this spy thriller in such an engrossing way."

On his Facebook page, Simmons has posted photos with Rumsfeld, as well as with other conservative personalities like Michele Bachmann and Allen West.

Is it possible that Simmons was such a deep cover agent the FBI isn't authorized to know he served? That sounds like a great new Tom Cruise movie, either way.

A CIA spokesman declined to comment to the Washington Post about the story, as did a Fox News spokesperson to CNN.