Photo via Twitter (@HMBPumpkinFest)

If you were falling off a cliff, you'd ask for MORE JOBS—not big pumpkins.

Somebody tell that to the Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off. The Bay Area's annual pumpkin contest crowned its winner Monday, ABC News reports—a "lumpy" gourd clocking in at 1,969 pounds. And I'm not afraid to say that honestly????

This pumpkin is too big!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

And so are these!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

Everyone's thinking it, Melissa! These pumpkins—they're too big!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

I wanted the news, not the big pumpkin!!!!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

Excuse me, waiter? Garçon? This pumpkin's too big!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

What is this? Charlie Brown? Is it Charlie Brown? Is it, Melissa? Peanuts? Charlie Brown?

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

What starts with "This pumpkin…" and ends with "…is too big"? Don't even get me started!!!!

Screen shot of The Guardian's video footage

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.