Sad Baby Rex Tillerson Leaves DC, Town of Meanies

On Thursday, Rex Tillerson, a man who sounds suspiciously like the “Beef, It’s What’s for Dinner” guy, said his final goodbyes at the State Department after being suddenly fired as Secretary of State by President Trump earlier this month.

The supposedly modest former oil tycoon gave a small speech to his colleagues in which he discussed things like integrity and mutual respect, saying, “We’re all just human beings trying to do our part,” and encouraging members of the State Department to perform one act of kindness every day, because I guess being fired by Donald Trump turns you into an inspirational quote Pinterest board.

On the one hand it’s probably a more effective anti-bullying message than anything Melania could say. On the other hand, it’s coming from an oil baron who willingly chose to serve under and enact the agenda of Bowser. Tillerson did make a more pointed dig at Trump and/or his own dismissal, which was met with applause: “This can be a very mean-spirited town. But you don’t have to choose to participate in that.”

Technically Tillerson didn’t have a choice to not participate seeing as he was fired. Just saying.

The only thing sadder than being Twitter-fired by Donald Trump is probably responding with some grade school morality you should have demonstrated in the first place. Tillerson is not a hero for probably calling Trump a “moron” or for bookending his very pitiful 13-month State Department tenure with some Sesame Street humble cowboy garbage. And so, the saddest Boy Scout in the world said goodbye to his State Department colleagues. Head ‘em up, move ‘em out. Rex, this one’s for you: