Save All These Good Dogs From These Bad Men!!!

I love dogs! Big dogs, small dogs, fluff-o’s, freaking gnarly-ass dogs, you name ‘em, I love ‘em.

Recently, a dog breeder told the New Yorker’s Jia Tolentino, “Dogs in general, they are all good dogs. There are no bad dogs, there are only bad owners.”

I have come to the conclusion that no truer words have ever been spoken. Which is why it is one of the world’s greatest tragedies when a good dog falls into the hands of a bad man.

Unfortunately, when it comes to politics, there are a lot of bad men. Many of these men also have the privilege of coming into contact with dogs, whether it’s by owning them or just meeting someone else’s dog in the day-to-day slog of doing politics. Recently, with the country celebrating National Puppy Day, some politicians have been using dogs as a way to put a cuddlier image forward. It’s important that we save these pups from their reach. Here is an (incomplete) list of good boys and girls we must save from bad men.

Mike Pence

It is unclear whether or not Mike Pence ever pet a dog before this photo. But it is very clear that this dog needs our help.

Donald Trump

GET MISS P OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN HANDS AT ONCE.

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney is suspiciously hiding this dog’s face from the camera with his bag. Mitt Romney also once tied his own dog, Seamus, to the roof of his car. I am very nervous for this dog.

Donald Trump Jr.

The audacity of Donald Jr. subjecting not just one, but two good boys to the shame of being in a picture with him.

Ryan Zinke

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke introduced a Bring Your Dog to Work Day last May to help boost morale and make his department “happy.” I think this pup would be “happier” if it were further away from Zinke.

Eric Trump

The only thing worse than the indignity of wearing a sweater when you are a creature descended from WOLVES is to be called “family” by Eric Trump.

Marco Rubio

First Marco Rubio protec this good boy. But then he also attac.

John McCain

This is a photo from 2010 of a dog owned by John McCain’s son, Jimmy McCain. I can only hope that this pup escaped.

Thus concludes the latest in the series of Save This Good Dog from This Bad Man!!!