The polar vortex is back to make life a living hell for a little while

The polar vortex is back! Yaaaaay(?)

If you are in one of the cold parts of the United States, you will be familiar with the polar vortex, that fun annual friend that comes to town and immediately renders it completely inhabitable thanks to the unreal chill that descends on the land like Satan’s icy twin.

Good news! It’s that time of the year again. Here’s a nicely horrible update from the National Weather Service (emphasis added):

…The coldest air mass of the season expected to impact Eastern U.S. this weekend… Arctic air will be the big story across the northeastern U.S. through the weekend. An eddy of the polar vortex over Quebec, along with a reinforcing cold front, is expected to bring the coldest weather of this winter season from the Great Lakes to New England. Wind chill warnings and lake effect snow warnings are in effect for these areas, with wind chill readings dropping below -30 degrees by Saturday night. Actual temperatures will also be frigid with highs in the single digits and teens, and subzero lows across much of upstate New York and New England. It will also be quite cold from the Ohio Valley to the Mid-Atlantic region.

Awesome, right? It is so cold in New York City that Central Park couldn’t even hold a festival dedicated to ice.

It is going to be so cold on Sunday morning that, if you go outside in Boston without the proper protections, you could get frostbite in 15 minutes.

It is so cold that tons of terrible cold records could be wiped off the map.

So, don’t go outside if you can help it. And please don’t read the part of the NWS advisory that talked about how the West will be “mild,” because you might go insane.