The Worst Takes About Trump's Proposed Military Parade

The best minds of Washington’s military-industrial complex sprang into action on Wednesday after Donald Trump expressed his apparently earnest desire to have a massive military parade through the streets of Washington, DC.

No, I’m not talking about the minds at the Pentagon. I’m talking about the opinion leaders! With every bad Trump story comes a slew of even worse opinions, and this parade story is no exception.

Here are just a few of the absolute worst takes (so far) about Trump’s big-ass parade.

Protect the Streets

Some were quick to object to the possibility of extremely heavy tanks rolling through Washington—not because it would look like an invasion is underway, but because it would damage the streets.

A member of the DC City Council told the Washington Post:

We repave Pennsylvania Avenue every four years just for the inaugural parade. Now imagine tanks and all the threads that go with them and all the heavy equipment. It will do a lot of damage to our local streets, and I don’t know if the federal government is ready to write a check to do that.

First: that’s insane. And second: As was pointed out the last time the city sustained property significant damage—during small militant protests that splintered off from an otherwise peaceful demonstration on the weekend of Trump’s inauguration—there are far bigger fish to fry. WHO CARES.

Actually, the Parade Is Good

These kind of counterintuitive takes masquerading as thoughtful commentary are what National Review writer David French does best. His argument for the parade: our military campaigns around the world have actually gone great.

We can only assume he ran out of characters before noting the hundreds of thousands of civilians killed during the American wars on “terror.”

We Should Be Using This Money on Killing People

This one comes to us from perennial warhawk and columnist Max Boot, who whined that every dollar spent on transporting weapons of war to Washington for a one-day event is a dollar that’s not being spent on unmanned drone missions. We need to save our pennies for the next forever war!

Coming from a guy who believes you definitely don’t need to repent if, like him, you supported the disastrous Iraq War, the argument isn’t stunning.

Whatever Lindsey Graham Is Saying

In stumbling all over himself to applaud President Trump, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham accidentally turned the proposed march into an annual occurrence.

Then, in his characteristic style, Graham later contradicted himself, telling a reporter that a parade might instead prove “kind of cheesy and a sign of weakness.”

OK, Maybe You Don’t Need to Die Over a Dumbass Parade

I’m sorry but, as fascistic and weird as this thing might be, it’s not completely without precedent. The last one was held in June 1991 to declare victory in the Gulf War. In my personal opinion, it’s not worth risking your life to stop.

By all means: join organized, direct actions to disrupt and protest the parade, if it happens. Devote your life to fighting American imperialism around the globe. Just don’t do this, please.