via HBO

Scorned ex-lovers often turn to the internet in the wake of a bad breakup, desperately seeking sympathy or vengeance or some combination of the two. (There’s even a whole genre of “revenge porn” for just this reason.) But this week, one man’s sad attempt to garner support for his newly single plight backfired in viral fashion—and for good reason.

On Monday, Reddit user Khaleesiscorned, 29, took to the social network to share a problem he’s been having since ending things with his lady love, whom he refers to as Dany (an alias). I could provide the short version of his issue, but he does it for me in his post.

TL;DR : I cheated on my ex during our relationship and she found out shortly after we broke up. She’s blocked me on everything, but briefly unblocks me every Monday to send me Game Of Thrones spoilers before I can watch. How can I get her to stop?

In the course of his cry for help, he admits that he had “a lot of jealousy issues” because Dany had many male friends and had slept with “a lot of guys.” This causation would not hold up in a court of law, but he indicates that there was a direct link between his wandering eye and his ex’s promiscuity.

via Reddit

Khaleesiscorned also shared that Dany, 23, was the one who got him hooked on the hit HBO drama. He admits he was “addicted.” But when his travels took him abroad, it was hard for him to get a reliable stream, and he often found himself behind on current episodes. Once the season six premiere rolled around, Dany issued her first spoiler—and she hasn’t stopped. 😂.

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Since publishing his sob story, the tables have turned, with Dany being heralded on social media as a “heroine” and generally applauded as a modern-day feminist icon. I have little doubt there are many ex-boyfriends out there receiving unwanted spoilers at this very moment.

After it started to go viral, Khalessiscorned made his post private—but should he happen to see this, I’ve taken it upon myself to respond to his call for advice.

Dear Khaleesiscorned,

I’m sorry to hear your favorite show is being spoiled for you. I just started watching The Good Wife and accidently read a huge spoiler online so I get it. Your hurt is my hurt.

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But I think, in lieu of advising you on how to get your ex to stop sending you spoilers, you need someone to hold up a mirror for you so you can see yourself for the slut-shaming misogynist you truly are.

You write, “I know I didn’t treat her very well but I just want to watch my favourite show again.” Perhaps you should have stopped typing halfway through. The truth is, you didn’t treat Dany well at all. You made her feel bad for having prior sexual experience (that we can infer exceeded yours) and you weren’t secure enough to support her platonic relationships with other men. When you think about it, she gave you the gift of Game of Thrones and all you gave her was a terrible relationship to look back on with regret. Spoilers or not, you should be thanking her.

You are rounding 30: Three decades on this planet is too many to be crying about TV show spoilers. Start considering your retirement fund; take up birding; ponder your parents’ mortality; ponder your own mortality; above all, learn to tame your jealously so you don’t sabotage future relationships and risk spoilers for your next binge-watching adventure.

Dany didn’t go full-Carrie Underwood by digging her keys into the side of your pretty little, souped-up four-wheel drive. Nor did she carve her name into the leather seats. She refrained from taking a Louisville Slugger to both headlights and slashing holes in all four tires. You, sir, were an awful boyfriend, and now she’s just having a little fun at your expense. It’s time to surrender.

I know I shouldn’t take any pity on you, but if you need a new show to watch in light of the spoilers, I highly recommend Scandal.

Best,

Marisa

Marisa Kabas is a Sex + Life reporter based in New York City. She loves baseball, bunnies and bagels.

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