What the Movie You See This Weekend Says About You

Hey guys, it’s the weekend. What are you going to do? Hide your emotions through aggressive sarcasm? Maybe you’re going to see one of those newfangled things called movies. You know, a talkie. But which one? And what does that say about who you are? Screw substance and stuff, how are you generally categorized by your taste in popular culture?

We’re here to break that down for you.

Under The Skin

If you’re seeing Under the Skin—the thriller from Jonathan Glazer where Scarlett Johansson plays an alien, this weekend— you probably subscribe to The New Yorker, because that’s kind of the only way that normal humans know about this movie in the first place. You probably read that crazy New Yorker piece on ScarJo and was like, “whaaatttt she sounds dry and dirty like a martini? What does that mean?” Either that, or you’re really into “insider” movie industry stuff, in which case you’re probably also subscribed to The New Yorker.

Or maybe you somehow remembered that Jonathan Glazer also directed some pretty weird music videos for Radiohead and Jamiroquai back in the day. I don’t know why you would remember such a thing, but kudos if you did.

Captain America

If you’re seeing Captain America this weekend, that’s fine. It’s totally cool. In fact, you’re probably like a lot of people, as this movie’s definitely going to win the box office this weekend. And look, I’m not judging, but if you’re watching it you may or may not have leased an SUV and be really really into Dunkin Donuts iced coffee. And when you think about it, Captain America is more or less the Dunkin Donuts iced coffee of movies. You know exactly what you’re getting, and it’s totally enjoyable, but let’s face it, it’s a step above basic and kind of watered down. I’m not saying you’re a step above basic and kind of watered down, just that you’re choice in movies on this one weekend is.

Nymphomaniac Vol. II

Hypothetically, maybe you enjoy defending the creative inspiration behind Lana Del Rey’s image to everyone you know? Maybe you like reading everything James Franco has ever published on the Internet. You’re into life for the art. It’s art!

*note we’re not putting the trailer to this one here because we’re owned by Disney guys. Disney.

Dom Hemingway

If you’re going to see Dom Hemingway, that movie where Daenerys Targaryen plays the daughter of a bank robbing Jude Law, you’re probably the kind of person who has insane ideas at business meetings. Like, you take 15 minutes to explain some completely outlandish thing that’s basically impossible to execute and too expensive for what it’s worth. But somehow you just keep on getting things approved at an astonishing rate.

Island of Lemurs: Madagascar

If you’re seeing Island of Lemurs: Madagascar this weekend, there are two viable options here. Option one: you have children who loved the cartoon Madagascar and are now begging you to see this and you’re like, “ok kids, that’s fine, at least we’re not watching Frozen again.” Option two: you might be an English teacher who watches PBS docs at home in your public radio T-shirt and now you’re branching out and seeing a doc in public. You go, girlfriend!

So there it is. Do you know yourself a little bit better? Did it help you formulate your identity better than a Buzzfeed quiz? We hope so.