Marvel/The Amazing Spider Man 2

Hey guys, what are you up to this weekend? Bringing Satan to the yard with your milkshake? Or maybe you're just going to see a movie, you know, like we did way back before Lana Del Rey happened? But which movie are you seeing? And what might your media consumption say about you? Well, don't fret, we're here to break it down for you.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 might be the movie you’re seeing this weekend if you also really like your Ugg boots and The Gap. And, that’s not really a bad thing. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is definitely “The Movie People Are Seeing” this weekend, which is fine, really. And you know what, you’re going to have a fine time seeing The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in your Gap jeans. You know what’s also good? Fro-yo. Have you heard of that thing called fro-yo? It’s like ice cream, but healthier. Oh, and when you visit New York City, you have to check out these things called cronuts. #basic

Belle

If you’re seeing Belle this weekend, you might be thinking to yourself, “It’s been a long time since someone adopted a Jane Austen novel, huh.” And gee, it really has. Like, almost too long. And no one’s really done Pride and Prejudice justice, except for the 6-hour BBC miniseries. I feel your pain. I know, there are only so many times that you can watch 6 hours of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy on Netflix without thinking, “why aren’t there more muslin dresses in modern cinema?” So you know what? Belle’s for you.

Walk of Shame

If you’re seeing Walk of Shame this weekend, you might be the type of person that takes the covers of your weekly gossip magazines as fact. You might believe that an anonymous source who says a celebrity has a lot of cravings might actually mean that said celebrity is pregnant. Not that you’re gullible of course. Only that, well, you’re kind of gullible.

Ida

Ida is the kind of movie that you would see if you were a person genuinely interested in human nature, curious about how we all exist on a spectrum of good and evil, and how seemingly good people can be involved in incredibly evil activities without necessarily evil intentions. You might just be interested in how a beautiful work of art can so appropriately display how the conflicts of humanity can also play out within one human soul.