20th Century Fox

Hey guys what are you doing this weekend? Accidentally seducing fictional characters? Maybe you're just going to partake in the time-honored tradition of seeing a movie. But which one? And what does it say about you? Well, no need to go into an existential crisis, we're here to break it down for you.

The Other Woman

If you’re seeing The Other Woman, you’re the kind of person who’s down with social revolutions. Because that’s what this movie is, a revolution. It’s a revolution against the film industry and it’s lack of movies about complex female relationships. It’s a revolution against a culture of double standards against women and dating. It’s a revolution against everyone who thought that Kate Upton wouldn’t have a movie career. It’s a revolution against properly titling this movie The Other Women (plural), because it is a movie about a guy who is dating multiple women, not one.

The Quiet Ones

If The Quiet Ones is your pick this weekend, why? No really. I'm curious.

Brick Mansions

RIP Paul Walker. I guess if you're seeing Brick Mansions this weekend, it's because you're really into French cinema, and you're probably the kind of person who likes rubbing your knowledge of French cinema in other people's faces. Because apparently this is an American remake of the French film District B13. So there you go, maybe you learned something today. It’s Paul Walker and slow motion fights and Turn Down For What? And I don’t know why, but I feel like telling you that you need to see this movie because again, RIP Paul Walker.

Locke

If you’re seeing Locke this weekend, I feel the need to tell you that this is not a modern interpretation of the life of John Locke and his theory on social contract. Just want to put that out there. Because I could see how you might think that from the trailer and I just want to spare you from any confusion on this front. That being said, if you’re seeing Locke, you’re just the kind of person who’s down to see Tom Hardy talk in a car for 90 minutes.

The German Doctor

If you’re seeing The German Doctor this weekend, you’re probably great at the history questions/prompts during trivia night and Jeopardy and crossword puzzles. So you saw this trailer and was like, “Oh yeah Joseph Mengele did totally live in exile throughout South America experimenting on people until he mysteriously drowned to death off the coast of Brazil in 1979. Cool, this will be a great Saturday night flick.” Fun times.