Wow a Lot of People Naming Their Babies Melania

Names are like buttholes, everybody’s got one!! You may have heard that “Emma” and “Liam” were crowned the most popular baby names in America (a great year for fans of Jane Austen and Oasis). But one name is steadily becoming more and more popular for baby girls. Let me give you a hint: it’s inspired by our most famous Slovenian-American birther and it rhymes with Belania.

That’s right! According to data collected by the Social Security Administration, “Melania” is the fifth-fastest growing name in the country. In 2016, “Melania” was the 1,650th most popular name, but last year it jumped to 930. The prospect of a horde of baby Melanias may be frightening, given this means enough people have been inspired by a woman best known for swatting her husband’s hand away that they named their babies after her.

But honestly, we have bigger things to worry about. From The Hill:

“Ensley” topped the list of baby girl names that increased the most in popularity, followed by “Oaklynn.”

What is an Ensley? Is it like Ainsley? Is Oaklynn a reference to Oakland? Someone please save these babies. And then also maybe save the Melanias.

Anyway, this wraps up a banner week for Melania Trump, whose recent surge in the polls has been the talk of the town. Also “buzzy”: her grammatically incorrect, overambitious, and ripped-off initiative to address children’s health, protect kids from cyberbullying, and keep them off drugs. Welcome to 2018, baby Melanias. Cat’s in the cradle with the silver spoon?