FEBRUARY 1, 2004: We were younger. We were more…pure.
It’s been ten years since Super Bowl XXXVIII, when an estimated 180 million eyeballs were simultaneously scarred by the half-second reveal of Janet Jackson’s right nipple wearing a shield*.
The event importantly gave us the term Wardrobe Malfunction—and in the decade since, we’ve been virtually bombarded with wardrobe malfunctions.
So many, I think, that we’ve missed some. Here are the ten wardrobe malfunctions we overlooked.
#10 - LEBRON JAMES’S HEADBAND: GAME 6 of the 2013 NBA FINALS
Look very closely—Lebron ditches his headband before making the DUNK HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD. What a goof!
#9 - ACE HOOD’S ROLEX at the 2013 BET Awards
The ‘Hustle Hard’ Rapper was mid-interview when the gold bezel popped off of his Rolex. He reportedly fired his jeweler, and wore the bezel as a monocle for the rest of the night.
#8 - HULK’S PANTS in Marvel’s The Avengers (2012)
#7 - SHAWN MARION’S SHOES: KNICKS @ MAVERICKS
With tallman Dirk Nowitzki commanding attention at the free-throw line, Knicks guard J.R. SMITH quietly un-tied Shawn Marion’s left sneaker.
“I almost shut [the sneaker prank] down,” a referee told reporters on the scene, “but that’s not my job. I don’t work at Foot Locker anymore.”
#6 - THE UNKNOWN WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
Number Six is reserved for the mystical unknown celebrity wardrobe malfunction—the one that eluded us all these years. When this wardrobe malfunction happened, there were no cameras or smartphones around. Somewhere, somehow, a celebrity noticed their buttcrack was exposed and smiled in calm serenity.
#5 - J LO’S HAIR EXTENSION: IN CONCERT
This is why people love J-LO—-she moves fearlessly and sometimes parts of her body fall to the floor.
#4 - LAROY REYNOLDS: JAGUARS @ COLTS
Losing his helmet didn’t stop the rookie Linebacker from making a tackle. But the risky play didn’t stop the Colts from routing his Jags 30-10**.
#3 - DONNELL KIRKWOOD: NORTHWESTERN @ MINNESOTA
The Minnesota Running Back got tackled so hard, his helmet decal flew onto the field. Doesn’t sound like huge news, but they’re still talking about this in Minnesota.
#2 - ALICIA MENENDEZ’S ARM TATTOO OF JANET YELLEN
A few weeks ago Alicia got so caught up in delivering her lines, she revealed her super secret feminist arm tatt of Janet Yellen. Would her family approve? Probably not, but they don’t get Fusion anyway.
#1 - MERYL STREEP’S SHOE at the BAFTA Awards
This one is, in many ways, the opposite of the Super Bowl XXXVIII Halftime Show.
Meryl Streep is as cool and composed as anyone hobbling up stairs on one shoe can be.
And Colin Firth is a true gentleman—unlike Justin Timberlake, he did nothing wrong and still apologized profusely.
Here’s to another ten years of wacky wardrobe malfunctions. Enjoy the Super Bowl, everybody.
*Technically it was 9/16 of a second, but many argue in that additional sixteenth-of-a-second, there was a whole universe of nipple.
**This was only his third game back from a four-game suspension for using PEDs. Recap: to succeed on the field, LaRoy Reynolds uses performance enhancing substances…but no helmet.
Andy is a graphics editor and cartoonist at Fusion.