Feats of athleticism are cool, especially when the world's best gather and peacefully compete against each other in the celebratory spirit of the Olympics. But seeing as how this year's games have been plagued by gross and rampant sexism (here is a running list!), we're flipping the tables and indulging in some male objectification. Time to ogle some sweet sweet man candy!
Here are the 11 hottest men at the 2016 Olympics in Rio, in no particular order:
Stats: 5'9", 205 lbs.
Qualifications: Deep turquoise eyes, broad shoulders, brute strength, the sexy low-ridged brow of a Cro Mag. Rawr.
Arthur Nory Oyakawa Mariano
Stats: 5'7", 143 lbs.
Qualifications: Amazing arms, devastating smile, perfect pout. His rare skill is pulling off the rare combination of being sexy and cute. He also has the honor of being the dude who calls Simone Biles "babe." He kind of looks like Aladdin, which is one of the highest compliments one can bestow.
Wayde van Niekerk
Representing: South Africa
Stats: 6'0", 154 lbs.
Qualifications: In addition to being able to run the 400m in world record time, the man has cheekbones you could slice a ham on.
Stats: 6'3", 179 lbs.
Qualifications: Such a tall, handsome drink of water.
Representing: Refugee Olympic Team via Syria
Stats: 5'10", 172 lbs.
Qualifications: After fleeing Aleppo for Europe (and arriving in a dinghy with makeshift tree branches for oars), this cutie now lives in Belgium and has shapely shoulders and a winning smile.
Stats: 5'3", 139 lbs.
Qualifications: Adorable, yes. But. Arms. Epic, legendary, increíble, write-home-to-everyone-and-gaze-at-them-adoringly arms.
Stats: 5'9", 159 lbs.
Qualifications: In addition to being cute as hell and having the delts of an angel, this man's SKIN IS FLAWLESS.
Stats: 5'11, 146 lbs.
Qualifications: Those thighs. That smize.
Andre De Grasse
Representing: Oh! Canada!
Stats: 5'9", 154 lbs.
Qualifications: Love the tattoos, the steely gaze and the huge grin on his face he had while running next to Usain Bolt.
Stats: 5'5½", 205 lbs.
Qualifications: Not just a charismatic powerhouse who can literally lift you up but QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST WEDDING DATE EVER???!!! He's also concerned about climate change and appears on a stamp!
Stats: 6'6", YES SIX FOOT SIX, 220 lbs.
Qualifications: Perfectly tousled just-out-of-the-water hair, incredibly irresistible eye smile crinkles, winning combo of goofy/cute/earnest, torso longer than the Mississippi River, charming as hell, SIX FOOT SIX. This scorching hot slow-mo of him being lovingly splashed with a bucket of water really sums everything up. Looks REALLY good naked. Obviously.
BONUS BONUS BONUS
Who could forget Pita Taufatofua?!?!?
Stats: 6'3½", 220 lbs.
Qualifications: Just *look* at him.