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Roald Dahl — the British novelist, screenwriter, poet, fighter pilot, and sexy spy — would've celebrated his 98th birthday today. September 13 is actually Roald Dahl Day, set aside to recognize him for his contributions, the most memorable being his dark children’s books.

Brilliant in their formulaic nature, his children’s stories were typically told from a child’s point of view and almost always made the adults into villains. Dahl always featured at least one good adult to counter the villainous ones, and the protagonist child always defeated the evil adult.

This trope is in full effect in Matilda, when the titular brainy 6-year-old outsmarts the malevolent Miss Trunchbull and detaches herself from her selfish parents.

Although Dahl’s children’s stories inspired strength and independence in their readers, they also inspired some pretty terrifying characters and memory-scarring situations. In honor of the author’s 98th birthday we’re going through the scariest moments of Roald Dahl’s children’s books that no child should have to deal with in real life.

1) Being threatened into a boiler.

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Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

2) Choosing between being squeezed to death or exploding.

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Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

3) Getting kidnapped by a giant when you can’t fall asleep

(That you were kidnapped by the Big FRIENDLY Giant and not the Big FLESHLUMPEATER Giant is just luck.)

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BFG

4) Living in a world where giants eat “human beans,” i.e., you.

Don’t be fooled. When we that Bonecrushing Giant says he likes eating turkey best, he means Turkish people from Turkey.

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BFG

5) Not being able to admit how much you love chocolate cake.

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Matilda

6) Having pigtails.

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Matilda

7) Constantly being belittled for being little.

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Matilda

8) Attending a school with a Chokey.

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9) Being turned into a mouse after being promised cream whipped hazelnut chocolate bars.

The Witches

10) Witnessing a purple rhino cloud eat your parents and ruin your life.

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James and The Giant Peach

11) Only having arthropods and an earthworm for friends.

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12) Witnessing animal cruelty when farmers try to starve out a nice fox family.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Let's wrap up on a high note; it is the man's birthday after all. Roald Dahl gave all his child protagonists amazing brains.

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… oh yeah and some got telekinetic powers.

Matilda

Romina Puga is a pop culture reporter and producer for Fusion. You can find her on "Fusion Now," Fusion's daily TV updates, going over new movies, music, apps, and why D'Angelo is still sexy.