The Daily Beast reported today that Univision, the parent company of both the Gizmodo Media Group and Onion Inc., is planning to layoff a significant number of Onion Inc. employees in the coming days. Included in the Beast’s story was this anecdote about a recent all-hands meeting between Onion Inc. employees and Univision head of digital, Sameer Deen:
When asked during an all-hands meeting with staffers from one site earlier this year what his favorite article was on an Onion Inc. site, Univision’s head of digital Sameer Deen would not answer.
Employees at Gizmodo Media Group found this to be strange. In their experience, anyone who is not some kind of fucking freaky sicko has at least one favorite Onion blog. To demonstrate the veracity of this theory, something like 14 Gizmodo Media Group employees spent something like 17 minutes recalling their favorite Onion Inc. blogs from memory. Here are some of the posts they were able to remember without thinking very hard at all:
Beautiful. Listen To This Father And His Young Son Tell Each Other How Much They Love Each Other After We Altered Their Voices To Be The Same Pitch
5 Times The Animatronic Fox On Splash Mountain Addressed Me By Name And Told Me He Was Going To Marry My Dad
Probably Unnecessary: This Amber Alert Mentions That The Missing Kid’s Nickname At School Is ‘Big Lord Beefcake’
Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had
3 Years Ago He Hated Gay People. Today He’s A Completely Different Person. Still Pretty Weird That He Used To Hate Gay People Though.
Heartbreaking: This Man Starved To Death Because He Was Too Captivated By The Diverse Array Of Content Offered By Properties Of The Gizmodo Media Group To Leave His Computer
Holy Fucking Shit: Fargas The Foreign-Exchange Student Just Cracked His Head Open In Gym Class And Is Shrieking Like A Motherfucker
The 5 Huskiest Boys In The Ohio County 9-Year-Old Pee-Wee Football League, Ranked By How Much Of An Animal They Are On The Field
Devastating: Watch This Guy Realize That When He Overhears People At Work Talking About ‘The Hamburger Dipshit’ They’re Referring To Him
Congrats to the many employees of Onion Inc. for producing such an effortlessly memorable body of work. And congrats to a handful of Gizmodo Media Group employees for proving that they are not fucking freaky sickos.