Malia Obama Once Again Guilty of Being Cool

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Malia Obama, a normal 20-year-old person, is trending on Twitter. Why? It could be because a trash tabloid claims she has a social media account in which she mentioned Donald Trump might kind of really suck. It could be because she went on a trip and drank some rosé. It could be because she appears to use a veil of authenticity to legitimize a corrupt administration for her own financial gain. Oh wait, that’s a different First Daughter, my bad!

The Daily Mail ran a big story today on Malia’s alleged “secret” Facebook account full of “anti-Trump messages,” as if anyone were under the impression the Obamas were madly in love with the oversized toddler currently bingeing Fox News in their old house.

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The story falls on the heels of yet another bombshell report, this one about Malia wearing a bathing suit while on vacation in Miami. It looks like the combined investigative revelations were just too much for the internet to handle.

I wonder what Ivanka Trump is up to these days?

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Hm.

Anyway, it appears Malia Obama, a private citizen and very cool former teen, has done something normal and fun. Malia! How dare you! How could you! Now please, fire all your friends.

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