33 alternative locations for Santacon that aren't the East Village or Williamsburg

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This Saturday in New York City is Santacon, the annual bacchanalia where young people dressed as Santa Claus congregate to chug cinnamon liqueur and vomit on various strips of pavement. This year's Christmas booze-a-thon will take place in Williamsburg and the East Village, which has residents of those neighborhoods upset.

But it doesn't have to be that way! Here are 33 perfectly good alternative locations for Santacon, which I hope this year's Santas deeply consider:

  1. The Gowanus Canal
  2. Literally Anywhere in New Jersey
  3. One of Those Trash Barges That Floats Down the East River
  4. Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar
  5. The New York City Sewer System
  6. A PATH Train Bound for Hoboken
  7. The Offices of BarstoolSports Inc.
  8. The Frying Pan, Which Would Then Be Set Out to the Atlantic Ocean
  9. Trump Tower
  10. That $10,000 Helicopter Service That Rich People Take to the Hamptons
  11. Olive Garden
  12. An IRC Chatroom Called ‘Santacon’
  13. Turing Pharmaceuticals
  14. Tyler’s Sweet New Apartment in SoHo, Which Has a Sick Roof Deck
  15. The United Airlines Complaints Desk at Laguardia Airport
  16. The Trump Tower Sales Office
  17. A Single UberXL With Destination Set to ‘Artichoke Pizza’
  18. Canada
  19. A Medieval Times
  20. A Jos A. Banks
  21. A Prison
  22. Antarctica
  23. The Donald Trump Bar & Grill, Inside the Trump Tower
  24. An Abandoned Elevator Shaft
  25. A G Train Subway Car Stuck Between Classon and Nostrand
  26. A Theater Screening the 2015 Motion Picture “Krampus”
  27. The Staten Island Ferry
  28. The Long Island Railroad
  29. The California Pizza Kitchen
  30. A Soundproof, Inescapable Biodome Enclosing the Murray Hill Neighborhood
  31. Donald Trump’s Apartment, Which Has a Sick Roof Deck
  32. Iceland
  33. Nowhere

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