A lot of things happen to you when you watch Magic Mike XXL. Do not be alarmed. It is all perfectly normal. It's a movie that will make you feel a lot of feelings. These are some of the things that happen to you.
(Warning: Here be mild spoilers.)
1. You get so distracted by on-screen hotness you drop popcorn down your shirt.
2. You rethink your entire sex life.
Has it been satisfying?
3. Your crush on Matt Bomer intensifies.
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4. You get lost in Matt Bomer's dreamy eyes.
5. No, like really lost.
6. You need to lie down and listen to Nine Inch Nails' "Closer."
7. You reconsider your taste in men.
Is there such a thing as TOO hot?
8. You are tempted to throw money at the screen.
9. You are charmed by Channing Tatum.
10. You suddenly find you have new and interesting feelings about welding.
11. You laugh.
12. You hoot.
It sounds like "Hoooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh."
13. You holler.
14. You fan yourself.
15. Jada Pinkett Smith reminds you that you are a queen, and you believe her.
16. You look at Michael Strahan in an entirely new way.
17. You long to meditate on a beach.
18. You yearn to hear Donald Glover sing your name.
While wearing this, obviously.
19. You have an "awww" moment over Kevin Nash.
20. You fall head-over-heels in love with Joe Manganiello.
21. You imagine yourself marrying Joe Manganiello.
22. You vividly picture your honeymoon night with Joe Manganiello.
23. You announce your nuptials on Faebook.
24. You look at him like 👀
25. You feel breathless.
26. You whisper "OH MY GOD" out loud in the theater
27. You start humming "finding it hard to believe… we're in heaven" under your breath.
Yes, Matt Bomer sings it on the soundtrack. Just listen.
28. You think, "I love these people but they are not great at voguing."
38. You ask yourself, was that the loudest zipper ever created?
The answer is yes.
39. You decide that Joe Manganiello is not a human man but a god descended from Mount Olympus.
Which is cool.
40. You tell your friends that the guys from La Bare — the male stripper documentary Joe Manganiello directed — make a cameo appearance in one scene.
You did spot them, right? You did recognize them from your husband's documentary?
41. You need to know everything about Stephen 'tWitch' Boss.
The sexy man who plays Malik was a semifinalist on MTV's The Wade Robson Project in 2003, and a runner-up on Star Search in 2003. He was on So You Think You Can Dance season 3 and season 4, and returned for the All-Stars competition in season 7. According to People, he's a huge comic book nerd. Here's one of his SYTYCD routines (with Ellen Degeneres!):