In case you missed all those breaking-news push notifications on your phone yesterday morning, the U.K.'s new royal baby has arrived.
Kate Middleton and Prince William welcomed their baby girl into the world at 8:34 a.m. local time Saturday. This is the couple's first daughter together and their second child in total after Prince George, a.k.a. Royal Baby Classic™.
If I've learned one thing from binge-watching "Game of Thrones" these past two and a half weeks, it's that Daenerys is amazing. If I've learned two things, it's that royal ambitions can destroy a person, so I put together a list of royal role models to whom the as-yet-unnamed baby princess can aspire.
1. Queen Elizabeth II
Despite it being the 21st century and all, support for the British monarchy is at an all time high, so the reigning Queen's got to be doing something right. Plus, Elizabeth wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty during World War II by helping the British army change car tires and stuff, so that's pretty admirable, too.
2. Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales
Contrary to what Pretty Pretty Princess would have you believe, princesses do more than just trade rings and try on necklaces. Diana Spencer, who was married to Prince Charles from 1981 to 1996, devoted much of her time to charity work related to AIDS activism, banning land mines, and other such causes.
Also, she had a commemorative Beanie Baby named after her. Case closed.
3. Princess Beatrice of York
The royal baby should at least aspire to Princess Beatrice's Philip Treacy hat collection.
4. Queen Elizabeth I
Gloriana's near 50-year reign brought peace to a kingdom rocked by succession troubles. (The crown had literally changed hands three times in the 11 years prior to her coronation—four times if you count the disputed Lady Jane Grey, which I do.)
On top of that, Elizabeth was super smart, spoke tons of languages, was internationally renowned for the way she comported her noticeably long and slender fingers (true story), held out as a strong independent woman till the day she died, and brokered the peaceful, posthumous royal handoff to the Stuart king James I.
You're fourth in the line of succession, royal baby. Take notes!
5. Princess Buttercup of Florin
After marrying Westley, Buttercup became First Lady of the United States. Within months, she added United States Ambassador to the United Nations to her list of accomplishments
In related news, I can't tell the difference between fictional characters and the actors who portray them.
6. The Princess from "RuPaul's Drag Race"
Though the Princess fought nobly, she was defeated by Lady Dida Ritz at the battle of Natalie Cole. She gave her all until the end, though, and that's to be admired.
7. And all the Disney princesses
Because I'm legally obligated by the laws of the Internet to include Disney princesses in any listicle I create.
(And not because Fusion is partly owned by Disney’s ABC network.)
Bad at filling out bios seeks same.