9 heartwarming Father's Day messages, courtesy of the Craigslist personals

You don’t have to be a father to be a daddy, as they say. (They don’t say that.) So, in an effort to celebrate both types of men and their admirers this Father’s Day, I hopped over to Craigslist‘s various state and city personals sections to find the best daddy-themed sex ads people posted on Sunday. Collected below are nine excerpts from my extremely necessary search.

There’s some NSFW stuff in there, but honestly the most shocking request that I saw in any of the personals was the offer of a back rub, because, like, a back rub! Who gives a back rub anymore? That’s so nice.

1. “Would prefer a father so I can feel like I’m giving you a gift on YOUR day :)”

2. “Rainy Father’s Day. Perfect to get naked with my hot son.”

Hello, Hallmark? What do you have in the way of “Rainy Father’s Day. Perfect to get naked with my hot son”?

3. “It is father’s day and I am not a father and I propose we engage in activities that could make one a father, but of course we will take the appropriate safety precautions to make sure no fatherhood will occur.”

4. “Didn’t waake up this morning to the treat you really wanted for Father’s Day? Needing a quickie before starting your day. I can host.”

That mug was trash, and you know it.

5. “Hi, son. It’s me, Dad. Remember all those spankings I gave you? All the times I seemed mean to you? What better day than Father’s day, to get me back for all of that!!”

6. “Daddy is 39 d&d free baby safe vasectomy!!!!”

My new morning affirmation, tbh.

7. “Well, it’s father’s day, but that doesn’t mean women can’t have fun too ;)”

8. “father’s day hj, bj or back rub”

A back rub? That’s nice.