Up until recently I had still not figured out what I would dress up as for Halloween, much less acquired all of the pieces necessary to construct my costume. Every morning for the past few weeks, I ran to my local store and asked, "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME?" And every morning, my local store clerk said, "John I'm your roommate get out of my bedroom." I thought I would have to resign myself to another year of being "a tube of Duane Reade silver lipstick edging further away from my lips the drunker I get." I thought I would have yet another year of dressing up as "I don't feel like interrogating my competing desires to feel covered and uncovered tonight so I'm going to pair leggings and hot pants with boots and sweatwear."
But no. Not anymore.
Fast Company writer Joe Berkowitz, recently tweeted a screenshot of a Halloween costume he'd found on a website for Halloween costumes. The Halloween costume is instantly recognizable and needs no introduction. As anyone will tell you, it's Adult Purple Rock Star.
His rock guitar. His purple coat, which Adult Purple Rock Star called "Old Violet" as only true fans will tell you. It's like I'm staring right at Adult Purple Rock Star. I feel like I'm in one of those I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! commercials from the '90s except instead of saying my line I say "I can't believe it's not Adult Purple Rock Star!" and then the director fires me for not knowing my lines. At last, I have my Halloween costume. Adult Purple Rock Star is mine. I called it. But don't worry, here are not other Halloween costume ideas for you to choose from, ones that are fun and timely and will convince all your friends to hold off from shunning you (for now) like…
1. Adult Fancy Yellow Plaid Schoolgirl
2. Cartoon Rabbit
3. Nikki Rap Star
4. Adult King of Rock 'n' Roll
5. Lunar Anime Blonde
6. Country Pop Star
7. Adult Funny Lady Villain
9. Blonde Pigtailsma'am
Bad at filling out bios seeks same.