Everyone agrees that Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is the greatest modern Christmas song. (Two things: first, by "modern" we mean in like the last 25 years or whatever, and second, if you don't agree with this, you are either newly arrived to Earth or you are wrong.) So imagine our horror when we read on Slate that "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has been knocked off a very important throne:
According to PlayNetwork, the leading provider of “branded entertainment media experiences,” Carey’s powerhouse ballad has slipped to number two in the ranking of holiday shoppers’ most-heard songs. The new champion is the Shins’ peppy cover of Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime.”
An important caveat: Mimi retains her top spot on the Billboard Holiday 100 Chart, meaning that Americans are smart enough to buy her record when they want some Christmas cheer. But The Shins are now played more in our nation's malls, shopping centers and gallerias. The Shins. Can we repeat that? THE SHINS.
To understand just how much of a crime this is, let us listen to the two songs back-to-back. First up? The Shins. We will admit that this version of "Wonderful Christmastime" was literally so boring that we couldn't finish it, but maybe you can.
Next up, Mariah. Perfection.
Who are these monsters bumping Mariah for The Shins?????? They should be publicly shamed and fired from their crucial role programming music that plays in the background while you frantically search for one last gift.