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Johnny Depp, the 51-year-old desiccated husk of your adolescent hopes, dreams and wishes, has¬†married Amber Heard, a 28-year-old¬†human woman.¬†In lieu of sending over the traditional fondue set and/or bread maker, we've decided¬†to toast the newlyweds with¬†a romantic history lesson: here are all the ladies who've won Depp's heart in years past.¬†(We did our best to limit our scope to confirmed relationships, but depending on who you believe, he may or may not have ‚ÄĒ or may have, or may not have ‚Äď also enjoyed flings with the likes of Pen√©lope Cruz, Naomi Campbell, and Marion Cotillard.)¬†Mazel tov!

Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.