A New York City councilmember is proposing to give every tree in the city its own e-mail address, accessible to the public, Gothamist reports.
The e-mails wouldn't be for anything practical, like reporting damage or vandalism. They would just be for communicating with the trees and letting them know how you feel. (Note: trees cannot read or respond to e-mail and have no higher consciousness that has been documented as of publication).
A spokesman for Councilmember Mark Levine told Gothamist the e-mails would be for "deepening public engagement with the trees." (Some trees in the East Village have already had enough public engagement to last several lifetimes.)
If adopted, New York would be following the lead of the Melbourne, Australia, Urban Forest project. A map on the project's website points out each individual tree in the city, its projected life expectancy, and an e-mail address to send questions, comments and feedback.
Who would e-mail a tree? Lots of people, it seems. The BBC reported earlier this summer that Melbourne trees received more than 3,000 e-mails in the last two years from all over the world. The e-mails quoted by the BBC are overwhelmingly positive, with people pouring out their appreciation for the plants.
Hello Weeping Myrtle,
I'm sitting inside near you and I noticed on the urban tree map you don't have many friends nearby. I think that's sad so I want you to know I'm thinking of you. I also want to thank you for providing oxygen for us to breath in the hustle and bustle of the city.
Best Regards, N
So what will New Yorkers say to trees, given the chance? Based on the current state of communication about trees on social media, it will probably look something like this.
This tree will eat ur dog if it leaves shit in my west village nabe. Hungry nature. Fucking trees are hostile here pic.twitter.com/4HJyVBqiXf
— Joe Dobias (@JOEDOEchef) November 9, 2015
The trees are waiting with bated breath. (Note: trees do not breathe).