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I have no desire to eat clams;
I don’t have the patience to play chess.
I can’t trust cars that drive themselves
I never get jet-lagged flying west.


I hate when I can't remember little things;
I never learned how to roller skate.
Do you think a walrus enjoys its life?
Three hours is too long for a debate.

I hate anything that falls from the sky;
I’d never want to live above the 20th floor.
Do funeral homes ever have a bad year?
Does anyone drink water from the faucet anymore?


October is the best month to fly;
Everyone’s talking Pluto, but I'm a Mars kinda guy.


I don’t like wearing short-sleeved shirts,
(I lived in Miami for many, many years).
If I were 40 years younger, I’d get an earring;
If I were a woman, I wouldn't pierce my ears.

Do you think Moses knew the world was round?
Are birds ever scared of heights?
What size shoe did Cinderella wear?
Would you swim in the ocean at night?

I wonder what it’s like to be a frog
Cantaloupe and honeydew are gifts from above.
I’ve never held or shot a gun;
You can never plan to fall in love.


Sometimes I repeat myself, but I don't care:
No one can be mad at a teddy bear.


Why do we all love parades?
Did you see the moon last night?
A day seems better when the sky is blue;
Why are piano keys black and white?


Does a prison executioner really like his work?
Most people look better in black.
I left Brooklyn but Brooklyn never left me;
As Arnold would say, I'll be back.

I love sweet plums in the summertime;
The French really know how to make toast.
One thing I’ll never do is bungee jump:
Was Casper really a friendly ghost?


My wife looks naked when she doesn't wear her ring;
The last thing I’d want is to be a real king.

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