Oh look! A repeat headliner!
Oh look! A repeat headliner!
Image: AP

Politicon, which bills itself as “the Unconventional Political Convention” but is really just cable news live, is somehow in its fifth year of existence. I had no idea there were that many walking, talking lanyards in this godforsaken country, but here we are: The lineup for the latest festival of the damned has been released and my god they’ve outdone themselves.

Feast your eyes on a “tag yourself” to end them all:


They got EVERYONE, including people who shouldn’t be allowed to show their face in polite society, let alone paid to appear at this gesture at a bipartisan love of “politics.”

JAMES COMEY! ANN COULTER! AL FRANKEN! SEAN HANNITY! JORDAN PETERSON! SHS! Put them all in a cage and let only one winner emerge, I say. Charlie Kirk v. Chris Cillizza v. David Frum (refereed by Clay Aiken) will be the second-tier brawl, obviously. Place your bets now!

Managing Editor, Splinter

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