Move over Alexandre Dumas: There's a new best story of revenge and it stars a crazed Texas man named Bear.
Here's how it goes: Texas saw its first ever fatal alligator attack last week when 28-year-old Tommie Woodward ignored a sign at Burkhart's Marina outdoor bar in Orange (near the Louisianna border) that warned "No Swimming. Alligators." Woodward announced that he was going to go swimming, declaring "Fuck that alligator!" to concerned onlookers. He then jumped into the water, only to be immediately attacked by an alligator. Though autopsy results are still pending –– the cause of death may have been a gator-assisted drowning –– it would appear that Woodward was indeed killed by an alligator that the sign warned him about, and that he had lately cursed.
Well, now one of Woodward's friends has delivered some revenge. According to the Houston Chronicle, a man known only as "Bear" shot and killed the alligator in the marina on Monday.
Correction: he's shot and killed an alligator.
The man said he set a trap from his boat with chicken as bait and caught the 400-pound reptile before he killed it with a shotgun.
"He had to go," "Bear" said. "That's what happens when you kill someone."
Here's the thing: Officials found some of Woodward's remains in the dead alligator's throat, but given that the number of gators in the bayou is unknown and it took the authorities two hours to recover his body, this could be a case of wrong place, wrong time for the dead gator. There's no confirmation that this is, in fact, the reptilian culprit. The real killer could still be out there, waiting for other foul-mouthed swimmers who doubt that alligators can end their lives.
According to the Chronicle, "Bear" and the rest of his posse face up to a $500 fine for illegally killing an alligator.
David Matthews operates the Wayback Machine on Fusion.net—hop on. Got a tip? Email him: firstname.lastname@example.org