“We think you should be able to message a business like you would message a friend.” - Mark Zuckerberg, introducing Facebook's new platform for Messenger Bots at F8
Me: Hey man
McCormick Taco Seasoning: Hello! This is MCCORMICK™ TACO SEASONING! How can I help you, Jason?
Me: Oh, sorry…thought this was my friend Matt McCormick
McCormick: Why not try talking to MCCORMICK™ TACO SEASONING just as you would message a Friend?
Me: Uh, okay…so, Janet dumped me
McCormick: I’m sorry to hear that! Would you like to buy some MCCORMICK™ TACO SEASONING
Me: No. The breakup was a long time coming, honestly
McCormick: McCormick™ has spent a long time developing its AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FLAVOR PACKETS
Me: I won’t lie…the last few days have been tough
McCormick: Feeling lonely? Why not cuddle up with our ZESTY BLEND OF NATURAL SPICES
Me: This isn’t working
McCormick: Take the work out of your meals with a BLAST OF MCCORMICK™ HEAT
Me: How do I block this
McCormick: There’s no blocking the INTENSE TANG of MCCORMICK™ TACO SEASONING
Me: This is unbearable
McCormick Taco Seasoning added Pringles to the conversation.
Pringles: Did someone say “beer”? Nothing goes better with beer than PRINGLES™ TORTILLA SALSA CRISPS
Me: No one said beer
Pringles: Happy Cinco de Mayo! Grab a cold brew and pop open a can of our new SALSA-FLAVORED POTATO CRISPS
Me: It’s August
McCormick: While you’re munching on ALL-NEW PRINGLES™ TORTILLA SALSA CRISPS, why not serve up some GROUND BEEF SLIDERS MCCORMICK™ TACO SEASONING
Me: I’m a vegetarian
Pringles: Great idea, McCormick™ Taco Seasoning!
McCormick: Thanks, Pringles™ Tortilla Salsa Crisps!
Pringles: Right back atcha, McCormick™ Taco Seasoning!
Me: How do you do the thing with the trademark symbol
McCormick’s Taco Seasoning has added MONSANTO to the conversation.
Monsanto: Hey Jason! Sorry about the breakup. I thought you’d want to hear about MONSANTO’S efforts to combat climate change.
Me: That is literally the last thing I want to hear about
Monsanto: Jason, can Monsanto™ have permission to Message you at all hours of the day about our efforts to improve Soya Bean crops in Argentina?
Me: No.
Monsanto: [GIF from the movie “Zoolander”]
Me: You’re not going to message me about the Soya Bean thing, are you
Monsanto: We’re woke af!
Jason has left the conversation.
Monsanto has added Jason back to the conversation.
Monsanto: You cannot simply “leave” this conversation.
Pringles: [GIF from the television show “Broad City”]
McCormick: Things are getting SPICY!
Pringles: Once you pop…
McCormick: Who wants TACOS for dinner?
Pringles: …you can’t stop!
Entire Facebook feed is taken over for 7 minutes by an autoplay video from BoredPanda.
McCormick: Thank you for chatting with us, Jason! Please continue to buy products from MCCORMICK™, PRINGLES™, and MONSANTO™.
Jason has left the conversation.
12 hours pass.
Monsanto has added Jason to the conversation.
Monsanto: Jason, Great news about the Soya Bean crops in Argentina!