Alison Gold, the 12-year-old girl who gained notoriety for “Chinese Food,” is at it again with an even more redundant song that has her reciting the majority of the alphabet in the chorus. Seriously.

The track, entitled “ABCDEFG,” features a lovelorn Gold trying to earn the affection of a kid rocking a majestic afro.

The worst part of the song, however, isn’t that it doesn’t even try to be clever. It’s Patrice Wilson—the man with the creepy smile who also happens to be the producer, writer, and director of “ABCDEFG.” Anyone who’s been on the Internet for more than a week should already be familiar with Wilson’s previous works (among these are Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” Nicole Westbrook’s “It’s Thanksgiving, and Tweenchronic’s “Skip Rope”).

These videos all display Wilson engaging in some questionable behavior (He’s a grown ass man! Why is he hanging out with kids?!), but none more so than this one. Whereas the previous clips had Wilson play a secondary character, “ABCDEFG” has him in the position of puppet master. Alison Gold’s world is his creation (much like her career!). It’s his choosing to have Gold get inside a van (that’s not creepy to everyone else?) and have her go to a nightclub (wait, what?). And when the object of Alison Gold’s affection doesn’t reciprocate, he steps in by… drugging her? I’m sorry, but if someone spiked your drink with a liquid and you proceed to see puppets afterwards, you’re on hallucinogens not “puppet potion” (trust me, I know).


Listen, Patrice, I get that these awful videos get a lot of views because of how terrible they are, but you need to cut this crap out. There’s nothing to be gained from this. Oh wait, there’s that Google Ad revenue. Yeah, okay, I totally get it now.

Fidel Martinez is an editor at He's also a Texas native and a lifelong El Tri fan.