Doritos, a brand equally noted for their commitments to social justice and neon finger dust, announced a partnership with the It Get Better Project today. By donating $10 or more to Dan Savage's nonprofit, which aims to empower LGBT youth, you can get your hands on a bag of limited-edition rainbow-colored tortilla chips.
It Gets Better is a great cause, that's for sure. But the question is this: do you really want to put rainbow Doritos anywhere near your mouth?
Although the chips come in five disorientingly bright hues, the bag nevertheless identifies their flavor as Cool Ranch. To be fair, they're a bit less jarring in the flesh (as seen in this photo provided by People), although they still look more like shards from the Fruity Pebbles fossil record than your average savory snack.
Should you encounter these chips in the wild, please, approach with caution. Here's exactly how alarming we find them all, in order:
5. Orange (Or Is It Yellow?)
Hey! This is the color that a tortilla chip is, sort of—that's great, given that I am eating a tortilla chip! All things considered, I feel pretty good about the situation.
Okay. Okay, sure. This chip looks like it has very little to do with nature, which is to say that it looks more or less like a normal Dorito. Game on.
If you squint at the purple Dorito long enough, it begins to resemble a fancy-pants Terra chip. But keep squinting and you'll find yourself wondering if a kindergartener left a triangle of violet Play-Doh outside to desiccate in the sun.
I don't know, man. This isn't blueberry blue. This isn't even blue curaçao blue. This is, at best, blue raspberry Slurpee blue.
The reactor core has been breached. Call your mother and tell her you love her. Tell her you're sorry. Tell her you've made a mistake.
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.