I could tell you were miles away.
Ah, yes. Sorry. I drifted off there for a minute.
What were you thinking about?
Oh, summertime. The Fourth of July. Cool evening breezes. Terraces, rooftops, gardens, stoops, a nice cold…
…beer in your hand, your bros by your side…
Well, you got the bros thing right.
But not the beers?
You still drink beer?
I shouldn’t be drinking beer?
Hell no. This is summertime.
There’s only one drink for the summer.
You’re shitting me.
Nope. Summertime and rosé is one of life’s natural combinations. It’s like airports and security lines, or flakka and Florida.
What are you talking about?
I’m talking about the world’s oldest form of wine, the one that fulfills the world’s most basic needs. I’m talking about rosé.
You seem unconvinced.
Wine is bad enough. But pink wine?
I’ll agree that the color might have girlish connotations.
You seriously expect me to show my face in public while downing a glass of Skinnygirl California Rosé Blend?
You want me to buy a four-pack of Candace Bushnell rosé wine?
Look, I see where you’re coming from here, I do. Lots of women drink rosé! And sweet, nasty pink wine is absolutely a thing.
But! Rosé is not a naturally sweet wine. Quite the opposite: it’s usually very dry.
Well, white wine can be dry, too. What’s wrong with that?
Nothing is wrong with white wine! It’s a delicious and sophisticated drink! But often it is oaky, or buttery — not a summertime drink at all. Alternatively, it can be crisp, with acidity, and minerality: the perfect drink for those seeking elegant austerity. Either way, it’s a beverage to be swirled, and sipped, and savored. What it’s not — what it can never be — is rosé.
I see. So rosé is more of a thirst quencher?
Yes. It’s also the least intimidating wine you can find. Rosé does not have aspirations above its station, or at least it shouldn’t. If you’re spending a fortune on Domaines Ott or Brad Pitt’s Chateau Miraval, you’re doing it wrong: you’re showing off, and rosé is not for showing off.
So I can pretty much just grab the first bottle I see at the wine store?
That’s the beauty of rosé! Nearly all of it is good, or good enough: you’re drinking it chilled, after all, on a hot summer’s day, while relaxing on the beach, or in a hammock, or just in the park. It’s a grace note, it’s not the focus of your attention.
And I can drink it with… guys? Is brosé really a thing?
Rosé is the ultimate guy drink. It’s dry, it’s unpretentious, it goes with everything: it’s like beer without the constant trips to the bathroom. It’s the perfect drink for any laid-back dude. Next time you see a group of bros dispensing with the Bud Lights and opting instead for a bottle of something pink and Provençal, your only job is to go find yourself a glass. They know exactly what they’re doing.