At the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, an annual charity event in New York that features speeches and roasts by prominent political figures, Hillary Clinton delivered a roast of Donald Trump that will go down as an instant classic.
Taking the mic after Trump delivered a tepid, awkward roast of Clinton that drew loud boos from the crowd (including a terrible joke about how Clinton was "pretending not to hate Catholics") Clinton proceeded to drag Trump to hell with some of the sickest burns of the campaign.
Here are the best ones:
On Trump's claim that he would only accept the results of the election "if I win":
"It’s amazing that I’m up here after Donald. I didn’t think he’d be OK with a peaceful transition of power."
On the distance between Trump and his running mate:
"Donald, after listening to your speech…I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it."
On Trump's near-total desertion by his party:
"This dinner brings together a collection of sensible, committed, mainstream Republicans, or, as we now call them: Hillary supporters."
On Trump's unverifiable net worth:
"It is great, also, to see Mayor Bloomberg here. It’s a shame he’s not speaking tonight. I’m curious to hear what a billionaire has to say."
On the perpetual meltdown of the Trump campaign:
"I’ve had to listen to Donald Trump for three full debates…I have now stood next to Donald Trump longer than any of his campaign managers."
On Trump's beleaguered campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway:
"I have deep respect for people like Kellyanne Conway. She's working day and night for Donald, and since she's a contractor, he probably isn't going to pay her."
On Trump's fabled health:
"Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on."
On Trump's high standards:
"People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants…Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4. Maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet, and changes her hair."
On Trump's insinuations that Clinton was juicing for the debates:
"Donald wanted me drug-tested before last night's debate. And look, I gotta tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Now actually, I did. It's called preparation."
On Trump's affinity for Vladimir Putin:
"You notice there is no Teleprompter here tonight. Which is smart…maybe you saw Donald dismantle his Teleprompter the other day. I get that. They're hard to keep up with, and I'm sure it's even harder when you're translating from the original Russian."
On her own stamina:
"I think the Cardinal is saying I'm not eligible for sainthood. But getting through these debates with Donald has to count as a miracle."