Photo: AP

Just in case you didn’t know, I have the duty of telling you that today, March 8, is a bona fide holiday: International Women’s Day.

The day has radical roots in the socialist and labor movements of the early 1900s, but its legacy—like that of almost any overtly political movement—has been all too frequently watered down to a bland celebration that any corporate entity could love.

Here are just a few of the worst efforts by people and brands to virtue signal something vaguely pro-women in honor of today, broken down for ease of use into corporate and individual offenders. (If you haven’t already your say about #InternationalWomensDay, it’s too late: the one good possible tweet for today has already been done by my adopted mom.)

Corporate division

It’s NEVER too late NOT to say SORRY, Ladies.

This one is actually true: aliens are feminist.

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Why are Hollywood blockbuster movies required to have Twitter accounts?

Females are powerful and strong as hell, just like the blast radius of the Quick Kill™ Active Protection System!!

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Maybe just sit this one out, Saudi Arabia?

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I love this one because it’s @Twitter retweeting a video from @TwitterWomen. You know who inspires me? Any woman who has the strength to remain on that wretched website even after being targeted by relentless harassment and abuse only to be told that it’s all fine!!

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THIS...just...this. (via The Cut)

Individual division

...OK.

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BUY SHIT EVERY FUCKING DAY, DAY!

Women are good, but only if they’re Mother.

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And finally, shut the fuck up edition.