Warner Bros. Television

Earlier this week¬†on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Uncle Jesse ‚ÄĒ er,¬†John Stamos ‚ÄĒ confirmed¬†rumors that Netflix will show¬†no mercy and resurrect¬†Full House¬†from its 20-year sitcom slumber. Meet Fuller House.

Guys, it's 2015. Predictability ‚ÄĒ the milkman, the paper boy, and evening TV‚ÄĒ is¬†a pre-millennium artifact. No one curr‚Ķ¬†It's over.¬† Please do not pull us back in.

There's been loads of speculation about who will actually return¬†for the reboot. Participation¬†seems¬†unlikely for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ‚ÄĒ they're most likely not¬†on board to reprise their beloved role as Michelle seeing as they were notably absent from¬†the last¬†Full House¬†reunion.

Frankly, the Olsen twins have transcended¬†Full House.¬†They only shared the role because they were literally infants when the show started ‚ÄĒ so for what good reason¬†would they both¬†come back for the reboot? They possess¬†DuckTales-villain¬†levels of wealth¬†and have more than succeeded in their non-Hollywood ventures.

Let's just take a look at all the stuff they've done since the "You got it, dude!" days:


A crap ton of movies

After the final curtains fell on Full House in 1995, MK&A made their way to the big screen for their feature debut in It Takes Two. The duo had already been making made-for-TV movies and their dope detective agency home video series (let the theme song play in the club, though) for years, so film was a natural progression. New York Minute, 2004's campy last-attempt at a twin-sister movie got horrendous tepid reviews, and the sisters have only done solo cameos since (Mary-Kate was on Weeds for a few episodes and Ashley has pretty much stopped trying).


A bunch of TV shows

ABC Family knew they'd found a good thing in the Olsen sisters (and their company DualStar Entertainment) at the turn of the century and hosted reruns of ABC's¬†Two of a Kind¬†and¬†their original¬†So Little Time¬†for a whopping 22 episodes.¬†For some reason the girls were repeatedly cast in movies and shows where their mom was dead or they had no parental supervision at all.¬†¬Į\_(„ÉĄ)_/¬Į Still, they were making that paper ūüíĶūüíĶūüíĶ!

via stylelist.com


Fashiony stuff

The twins started dabbling in fashion with an early-aughts cosmetics and fashion line at Wal-Mart cumbersomely titled¬†"Mary-Kate and Ashley: Real fashion for real girls."¬†After honing in on their now-signature¬†diminutive-frames-in-oversized-recently-decesased-grandpa-estate-sale-haul style,¬†they set their sights higher.¬†By 2009 they were all but personally sewing clothes for the masses¬†with their brands including¬†Olsenboye¬†(wut?)‚ÄĒ a line for JCPenney, StyleMint, and¬†Elizabeth & James, a higher-end label¬†named for their siblings, with everything from sunglasses to fragrances to handbags. Ashley and Mary-Kate are now focusing on the forthcoming NYC flagship store for their couture label, The Row.

Elder Ordonez/INFphoto.com


Mary-Kate is engaged to Olivier Sarkozy (who is 16 years her senior with two children) and Ashley is probably cloaked in the darkness of a vintage Shaq-sized cardigan front row at an obscure fashion show in Milan right now. If any Olsen should be playing grown-up Michelle, it's their younger sister, Elizabeth (Lizzie for the OG fans), who has been crushing it in movies like last year's Godzilla and this summer's Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Why on earth would these established moguls need to return to a show that boasts an episode where one of them plays a Greek second cousin in a bad wig???


The defense rests…

Akilah Hughes is a comedian, YouTuber, and staff writer and producer for Fusion's culture section. You can almost always find her waxing poetic about memes and using too many emojis. ūüćē