Andrew Yang, Just Say You Hate Fat People and Move Along!!!

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Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang threw some very intelligent, not at all lazy insults at President Donald Trump during an appearance at the Iowa State Fair over the weekend. Speaking to reporters, Yang riffed that Trump could only beat him at a game of, uh, keeping a hot air balloon on the ground “because he is so fat.”


“I can’t be eating crap on the trail too often, because I need to stay in presidential form,” Yang said, his fatphobic rant captured in an ABC News video. “No one wants a president who doesn’t seem like they can run a mile.”

Yang’s remarks continued (emphasis mine throughout):

I don’t think Donald Trump could run a mile. Would you guys enjoy trying to watch Donald Trump run a mile? That’d be hysterical. What does that guy weigh, like, 280 or something? Watch that guy try to run a mile and be—oh my gosh, that would be so amazing for the American people, to try and watch Donald—I say he passes out at like the quarter mile mark.

After a reporter asked him if Yang would be up for a challenge with Trump, Yang’s kept rolling with the high-brow, very funny jabs. According to the Atlantic, an aide tried to pull him away, but like any idiot who has stepped in a pile of shit, he seemed to think the only logical move was to just keep going. He went on:

I challenge Donald Trump to any physical or mental feat under the sun. I mean, gosh, what could that guy beat me at, being a slob? He’s an embarrassment.


I was having fun! More Trump challenge questions!...I can do approximately infinity more pushups than Donald Trump...I want to go through this intellectually, what could Donald Trump possibly be better than me at? An eating contest? Like something that involved like trying to keep something on the ground and having really large body mass? Like, if there was a hot-air balloon that was rising and you needed to try and keep it on the ground, he would be better than me at that, because he is so fat.

Jesus fucking Christ dude! But don’t try to stop him—he’s just having fun!

But understand: We (fat Americans) have heard this all before, and know what you’re saying when you say Trump would pass out after running a quarter mile or win in an eating contest—fat people are lazy, they’re gluttons, and they’re only talented at being fat. God forbid a fat person make us endure the visual of them running. Pigs will fly the day fat people know how to control their eating habits. etc. etc.


You can hem and haw all you want—BUT I’M TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT, HIS DIET CONSISTS OF MCDONALD’S AND COKE!—but please, spare me. I’m not here to make you feel better about being an asshole, go work out your hatred of fat people somewhere else.

Where do you even get such an idiotic visual, that Trump would be able hold down hundreds of pounds of hot air balloon equipment because he’s so fat? Seriously, what the fuck? Did Yang practice these lines in the bathroom mirror in case someone poked fun at him for daring to eat a turkey leg in public?


Who knows why Yang said it—maybe it’s because he was surrounded by the jovial eating contests of the Iowa State Fair, or maybe it’s because he thinks living in a fat body is something to be ashamed of.

I’ve reached out to Yang’s campaign for comment, specifically asking if Yang hates fat people. Because seriously, Andrew, if you’re going to talk such a big game over how bumbling and terrible Trump’s fat body is, just can just say you hate fat people and move the fuck along!

Splinter Staff Writer, Texan