Announcing my un-un-re-unendorsement of Donald Trump

This image was removed due to legal reasons.

"Republicans Endorse, Un-Endorse, and Then Re-Endorse Trump - headline on The Huffington Post


My fellow Nebraskans:

This year’s presidential race is one of the most consequential of our lifetimes. As your senator, it is important to me that we elect a candidate that embodies the values, morals, and solid principles that we all hold so dear.

That is why, after much soul-searching, I have decided re-un-un-re-unendorse Donald J. Trump.

The events of the last few days have made clear that Donald Trump is unfit to be president, leaving me no choice but to reverse my previous re-un-re-unendorsement of him. Today I re-un-un-re-unendorse Donald J. Trump for President.

Why am I re-un-un-re-unendorsing Donald? Well, I’d like to return to something I said when I un-un-re-unendorsed Mr. Trump 4 days ago.

“3 weeks ago, I re-unendorsed Donald Trump,” I said, at the un-un-re-unedorsing ceremony. “I did this because, after I un-re-unendorsed him in early September, I expected certain changes in his campaign. Given that these changes have not occurred, I have no choice but to rescind my un-re-unendorsement, and un-un-re-unendorse him.”


This is as true today as it was 4 days ago as it was 27 days ago as it was 36 days ago as it was 67 days ago.

Americans deserve a president, and a government, of heart, principle, and strong ethical values. At this time (and this could certainly change) I do not believe (for now) that Donald J. Trump can uphold those values (though maybe tomorrow I will).


Now, some of my constituents have asked: Is it possible you will un-re-un-re-unendorse Donald Trump in the future? Yes, it is possible. Could you then re-un-un-re-unendorse Mr. Trump after that? Also yes. Could your re-un-un-re-unendorsement be followed seconds later by an un-re-un-un-re-unendorsement? Absolutely.

My endorsements and un-endorsements of Mr. Trump are ever-changing, like the colors of the majestic Pacific tree frog.


Some of you have complained that these constant endorsements and unendorsements are confusing. I think if you view this simple schedule of my positions, however, it will be clear where my priorities are, and have been, and will be in the future:

August 6: Endorsed
August 10: Unendorsed
August 18: Re-endorsed [endorsement]
September 3: Re-unendorsed [unendorsement]
September 7: Abstains [non-endorsement]
September 12: Un-re-unendorsed [endorsement]
October 7: Un-un-re-unendorsed [unendorsement]
October 8: Sailing in international waters [endorsement does not count]
October 9: Re-un-re-unendorsed [endorsement]
October 10: Engorgement [wrong word]
October 11: Re-un-un-re-unendorsed [unendorsement]
October 12: ????


This brings us to the present day where, as far as I know, I am not endorsing Donald Trump for president. If I take back my re-un-un-re-unendorsement before the end of this press release, that information will be appended by my very tired aide.

My endorsement is like the cat in Schrodinger’s box. Is it possible that the cat both endorses and does not endorse Trump at the same time, existing in a quantum state of presidential endorsements? I say yes, or no, maybe.


My fellow Nebraskans, it is time that we send a clear message to Washington D.C.: Donald J. Trump is unfit to be our president, and, wait a moment, I am now leaning toward endorsing him again, and now unendorsing, and now endorsing again, and unendorsing, and, hold on, don’t put a period on this sentence because now I am fully committed to endorsing Donald Trump.

Thank you.

*Following publication of this press release, the Senator announced a re-un-un-un-re-un-un-re-unendorsement of Donald J. Trump.