Asteroids Will Go Boom, Thanks to U.N.

Ever wish we lived in a world where Armageddon was a reality? Well, you’re in luck because The United Nations is planning to adopt an asteroid defense plan to keep us safe from killer space rocks!

Apparently, after the giant meteor exploded over Russia back in February, the world’s space agencies were all like, “Look at this cool YouTube video of a meteor! Oh, wait, why didn’t we know about this ahead of time?” and the United Nations was like “Hey! Let’s do a thing!”

So, the U.N. is setting up an “International Asteroid Warning Group” that will share information about dangerous asteroids and ultimately launch a spaceship to crash into any hazardous space rock because science.

Now, I happen to consider myself an expert on doomsday scenarios, and while I do believe space agencies should be sharing information freely so that we may more quickly become Star Trek, I’d say asteroid collision is pretty low on the scale of global annihilation.

Honestly, I’m more worried about the Earth’s magnetic field reversal. Then again, there’s not a dang thing to be done about that except die, so why worry?

It’s also worth pointing out that while the actual threat of a meteor seems silly, there’s one major reason why we should be okay with the U.N. heading this program instead of just one country.

Let’s say, for example, that a giant meteor is flying over Russia, and Russia decides to make it go boom. However, when said meteor goes boom, it just so happens that chunks of that space rock “accidentally” fly into the Statue of Liberty’s head. The American symbol of freedom and opportunity is now decapitated! The U.S. is angry, so much the angry!

If instead the U.N. is in charge of making the meteor go boom, and the Statue of Liberty once again is on the receiving end of a meteor slap, America will have to be all like, “Who is going to rebuild Lady Liberty’s head? Bla bla bla bureaucracy!” rather than smashing one of those nifty towers on St. Basil’s Cathedral for revenge.

Ultimately, it’s better to have one centralized make-rock-go-boom station than several different countries flying smashy things into space. Diplomacy!