New York police are clowning on fanny pack wearers and making style judgments, but mostly, they're telling people who rock fanny packs in the back that they might get their stuff stolen.
Damn, that's cold, NYPD. Cool celebrities like fanny packs, so who are they to judge, really? These seven celebrities, thankfully, are safe, according to the 24th precinct's guidelines.
Hell yeah, look at Matthew McConaughey, hanging out at a Red Sox game, presumably with his kid. That fanny pack is safe as heck. He knows it, too. Look at his face. "Dang, my fanny pack is super safe, because it's in the front." He gets it.
Besides being part of the greatest photo ever taken (see above), Amber Rose—the model and Kanye's ex-girlfriend and the partial inspiration for Kanye's album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy—has a pretty good idea of what safe fanny pack wearing looks like. She's even got the hands in the pockets, as if to say, no, no one's stealing my Chapstick today. (What do people put in fanny packs? I'm a dumb man and do not know.)
Diana Ross, who I do not know, is a serial fanny pack wearer (?), showing up in many image searches for "fanny pack celebrity sighting," some two years apart from one another. Not really sure what she's holding there, though. Why don't you put it in your very safe fanny pack, Diana?
Rihanna's probably the coolest celebrity in the world, and here she is, wearing her fanny pack in the safest possible location. Take that, NYPD! Who's hideous now? To be fair, this isn't some Land's End-ass fanny pack shit, this is (presumably) some high-end fashion fanny pack shit, which loses her some respect, but still. What's important here? She's safe from the pickpocketers. Pick-fannypackers. (I don't know.)
Sarah Jessica Parker
Is this a fanny pack????????
Ugh, Jared Leto. The only redeemable thing about this picture is the extremely safe fanny pack positioning, but otherwise, we're done here.
Michael Rosen is a reporter for Fusion based out of Oakland.