pareene
Alex Pareene
pareene
Politics editor, Splinter
Jan 3 2017
33

In fifth grade I got a D on a history test (I had not studied) and had to take it home and have my parents sign it. Instead, I told my mom we were studying hereditary traits, and our teacher asked us to get our parents signatures to compare to our own to see whether our handwriting was similar to one parent or the Read more

Jan 3 2017
19

My all time favorite prank in middle school was something by best friend and I had dubbed “shitboxering.” It was truly fucked up and evil but so, so fun. Until we got caught. Read more

Jan 3 2017
25

In second grade I had a metal Incredible Hulk lunchbox, the kind with the sweet matching thermos. A girl in my grade called me a name when we were lined up to go inside in the morning, so I blasted her upside the head with my lunchbox. She dropped like she’d been shot. Her three older brothers saw this and rightfully Read more

Jan 3 2017
34

In 6th grade, I was in the school library and for no good reason I just took a set of rental car keys that were sitting on the table. About 20 minutes later the gym teacher walks in and asks if anyone has seen some car keys. I say nothing. I think those keys are still at my parents’ house. Fast-forward 15 years and I Read more

Jan 3 2017
26

I had to have been 11 or 12. My little brother and I had gotten pretty chummy with our mailman at the time, and it got to the point where if he’d see us getting off the school bus a few blocks from our house, he’d give us a lift home in his mail truck, even letting me “drive” it down our cul-de-sac at one point (no Read more

Jan 3 2017
16

Shot out all the Christmas lights along the eaves of my grandfather’s house. Every single one. With my new BB gun. Read more

Jan 3 2017
20

When I was in third grade, my best friend and I drew some pictures of some kid in our class, in which the kid was hanging out with Hitler. The kid’s father was German, and there was some rumor that he had fought in WWII, though in retrospect that was probably impossible. We planned to get up before dawn and put the Read more

Jan 3 2017
29

When I was in Kindergarten, I got a whistle in my stocking that sounded like a train horn when you blew into it. I really liked it and brought it in for show and tell, but Mrs. Himmelman said it wasn’t my turn. So I told her that my dad worked on a train and that he let me bring the whistle in just that one day. If I Read more

Jan 3 2017
38

One day I was at my cousins’ place and we inexplicably decided to smash all of the windows in their garage. Would you believe it, we got in trouble.

Jan 3 2017
34

Shot smoke bombs / firecrackers while hidden in the woods, aiming at girls in our 6th grade class during their softball practice. Read more

Dec 5 2016
445

It did seem a little odd that he didn’t at least have the sense to jump out of his car and furiously sweep the path with his curling broom.

Jun 5 2015
3

I have three WMC’s setup in my house, sharing Silicon Dust network tuners. It’s really a great setup once you’ve got it working, but not for anybody who doesn’t routinely futz with computers. A few things where I think the platform missed the boat: Read more