Bernie Sanders Has a Badass Sword From Ross Perot, Apparently

Photo: Andrew Harnik (AP)

It seems Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders finally found a billionaire he likes: Texas tycoon Ross Perot, who died today. To memorialize him, Sanders tweeted out a photo of a gift Perot gave him to commemorate his advocacy for veterans of Desert Storma friggin’ sword.

Just look at it. Look at this sword.

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As a more-than-casual fan of The History Channel’s Forged In Fire, I can tell you that this sword—a replica of King Arthur’s mythical “Excalibur”—is extremely cool. Jewel encrusted handle? Etched blade? Check and check. This is an awesome gift. Looks pretty sharp, too!

Frankly, the only thing weirder than Sanders’ marking the passing of someone who embodied the vast economic inequality he’s made the centerpiece of his political career is the fact that he apparently keeps his sword mounted on a plaque instead of carrying it with him everywhere he goes.

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Bernie, I humbly suggest that you not make a single public appearance without this sword—bring it on the road, whip it out at speeches. Whirl it (carefully) over your head while threatening to personally behead bankers and oligarchs.

Or imagine, if you will, Bernie shuffling onstage at the next Democratic primary debate, pulling out a sword, and shouting, There can be only one!” every time Joe Biden tries to box him in on an answer. People will dig it. It will get votes. Donald Trump will be terrified. What’s not to love?

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.