Photo: AP

Bill “De” Blasio, mayor of our New York City, rode the subway today. Wow!!! Break out the cameras!!! Mr. Mayor, I want to see you in the god damn tunnel for the next seven hundred days of your term or fuck off man.

Here’s a modest proposal: the mayor of New York City should ride the New York City subway. Every day. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Yes, there is quite a deal of political jousting over who should take the blame for the system’s decrepit state, and yes, the blame should mostly fall on those in Albany, but, separate and apart from that, the quality I look for in my ideal mayor is “shared suffering.”

Ride the fuckin train to all your important meetings man. See how you like it.

You can see in this video that De Blasio, surrounded by aides, security guards, and a moving gaggle of camerapersons and reporters, swipes himself into the Franklin Ave station with the smooth motion of a practiced rider before placing his Metrocard into the breast pocket of his suit. Mr. Mayor, you are so good at riding the subway. It would be a shame to waste those swiping talents. How about you ride your big towering ass on the train every day, at rush hour, and always swipe in a broke person on your way out?

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It would be a shame to let the remaining money on that Metrocard go to waste. Also if you don’t ride the subway every day, fuck you man.

Canny journalists accompanying the mayor on his underground jaunt noted that he and his crew of pasty aides were driven to the subway, a fact that renders the entire exercise absurd. Why, you’ve played us all for fools, Bill. There is only one way you can make this up to us: by riding the subway to work every day until the end of your term.

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RIDE IT LIKE WE ALL DO. EVERY DAMN DAY. RIDE THAT SHIT. BE STUCK WITH US. WHERE’S THAT GOD DAMN MAN OF THE PEOPLE SHIT NOW? GET ON THE CROWDED TRAIN AND STAND BILL.

I extend my thanks to the Honorable mayor for his tireless advocacy on behalf of the New York City subways and I also strenuously demand that he ride those subways every fucking day or by god I’ll... really think about this, and get very angry, silently, when I’m on the train, for many days to come. I vow to you today that I will not vote for any mayoral candidate in 2021 who does not promise to ride the subway each and every day like a true New Yorker.

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Actually I recognize this as a fringe issue and I will almost certainly break that vow. But I will feel a twinge of regret and annoyance when I do so.

Bill de Blasio you can write us all notes when we’re late to work, while we’re stuck on the delayed train together.