Billionaire Shocked That People Don't Like Him

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No one likes billionaires, especially billionaires who threaten to run for president and in doing so potentially help our current idiotic rich guy president stay in power. That may explain why the reaction to former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz’s announcement of a potential “independent centrist” presidential run has been so scathing.

In the less than a week since he announced his book tour and exploration of a presidential bid, Schultz has gotten shit from almost everyone. His tweets are relentlessly ratio’d and ridiculed. He was heckled at a public appearance in New York City. Donald Trump called him a wimp. And even centrist Democrats tore him to shreds.


According to Fox Business, the pressure is starting to get to him. Sources close to Schultz told Fox that the billionaire is “freaking out” about the level of vitriol directed at him. Another source said he was “surprised” at the condemnation from the Democratic Primary. It’s almost like people don’t appreciate it when you threaten to ruin an election for them!

Apparently, taking this criticism has been so tough for Schultz that he’s reconsidering the idea of running altogether. But a senior advisor to Schultz told Fox that the decision is still far away—he could wait until summer to announce either way. The advisor told Fox that Schultz wants to know how Americans outside of the “Washington to New York Amtrak corridor” react to the idea of him running.


It’s hard to imagine that Americans off of the East Coast will be more psyched about supporting a guy who made billions of dollars by helping to create what is perhaps the preeminent symbol of the bougie, liberal, elite. But what do we know.

“What Howard needs to figure out still is whether there’s a need for him to be in the political process,” the advisor told Fox. “Then he needs to figure out if he can win.”

We can answer that question quite easily: no.

Howard Schultz Isn't "Self-Made"