Billionaires, Meet Reparations

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For perhaps the first time in living memory, reparations for African-Americans are a topic of serious mainstream political discussion. At the same time, America’s wealth is hoarded by a small class of billionaires. Hey, that gives me an idea.

Yes, the idea of direct monetary reparations for America’s legacy of slavery, racism, and oppression is “controversial.” On the other hand, we can all agree on this: Fuck billionaires. So, observe:

  • The ten richest people in America have fortunes that total $708 billion.
  • There are approximately 34 million black people in America aged 18 and over.
  • Dividing the money of only these ten rich people evenly would give every adult African-American about $20,800.
  • That may not be sufficient to settle the question of reparations permanently, but it’s a damn good start.
  • Plus we have just drastically cut down on economic inequality!

And, best of all, we have taken a meaningful step towards addressing this extremely controversial question while only pissing off ten measly people out of a nation of more than 300 million. (And most of them are Democrats! Republicans, get behind this!)


Sacrificing the few for the good of the many is always popular.