Bleep Bloop Trump's Brain Is Soup

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

On Thursday, President Donald Trump attempted to cover the hilariously exposed ass of Commerce Secretary and (dubious) billionaire Wilbur Ross, who earlier this morning expressed disbelief that furloughed federal employees were being forced to go to homeless shelters to feed their families during the government shutdown.

Insisting that he hadn’t actually heard Ross’ “let them eat cake” moment, Trump nevertheless speculated that his hopelessly corrupt cabinet member had simply misspoke. In fact, Trump added, Ross’ core point—that out-of-work federal employees really didn’t need to seek emergency assistance from homeless shelters and food pantries—was totally true!

Why? Because according to Trump, a man who has never in his 72 horrible years on Earth known anything other than obscene wealth and privilege, grocery stores will just give furloughed workers food, no money down, no questions asked. 


“Local people know who they are,” Trump rambled. “Where they go for groceries and everything else.”


“If you have mortgages, mortgagees, the folks collecting the interest and all of those things, they work along. That’s what happens in times like these,” Trump added. “They know the people. They’ve been dealing with them for years, and they work along. The grocery store...I think that’s probably what Wilbur Ross meant.”

So, next time you find yourself a little short on cash, please feel free to go to your local grocery store and ask for your free bag of food. If anyone looks at you funny, just explain that the billionaire president and his billionaire commerce secretary said it was totally cool.