This week, Burger King launched the Halloween Whopper—or, as it's officially titled, the HA.1.loween Whopper—a burger served on an uncanny black bun infused with A.1. steak sauce. Spooky.
As both a reporter and a disgusting human being, I am down to eat pretty much anything, in any quantity, but my feelings for cheeseburgers border on evangelical. The decision to taste-test this novelty sandwich was a no-brainer.
We got our Halloween Whopper at the appropriately eerie subterranean Burger King in Manhattan's Herald Square.
The Halloween Whopper set us back a hefty $7.29 (make it a meal for $10.99!), a significant upcharge from the $5.69 price of a standard Whopper.
The clear high point of this experience was the wrapper, which was designed to resemble an adorable mummy.
But there was nothing adorable about what awaited me inside it.
I liked the look of the Halloween Whopper in the promo photos I'd seen, but the black bun is much more upsetting in person. Its cracked surface makes it look like it's been preserved for centuries, like the fast food equivalent of a bog body. I was surprised by how little I wanted to eat it; it was as if every part of my body knew that this was something that did not belong inside me.
The burger looked even less appetizing between the buns, like the scene of a mayonnaise-based violent crime. But despite my growing nausea, I couldn't put off my assignment any longer.
The Halloween Whopper tastes better than it looks, which isn't saying much. If not for its disorienting appearance, I probably could not tell the difference between it and a regular Whopper. My colleague Ethan Chiel also tried the burger, which he found "okay," and reported that he could taste the A.1. steak sauce.
Would I recommend the Halloween Whopper? No, but it certainly won't kill you—although you might want to check on me in a few hours.
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.