Chris Christie Is Still Fleecing People From Beyond the Political Grave

Graphic: Splinter (Getty Images, Shutterstock)

Of all the things you can say about former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie—that he’s a corrupt embarrassment; that he debased himself as Donald Trump’s errand monkey; that he’s the worst thing to happen to the Jersey Shore since The Situation got busted for tax fraud—you’ve gotta give him credit for being utterly shameless when it comes to screwing over his former constituents.

According to the Record, just weeks before he left office in January, Christie signed a contract to have his official gubernatorial portrait painted for the whopping cost of $85,000—more than the total cost of the past three governors’ portraits combined. The money came from a $250,000, publicly funded account meant to cover the costs of the transition between administrations.


Christie, who boasts that he likes to “squeeze all the juice out of the orange,” has reportedly selected Australian portrait artist Paul Newton to do the dirty deed. Newton has previously painted such luminaries as the Duke of Edinburgh and Kylie Minogue.

More details of Christie’s portrait have yet to be made public, so it remains to be seen just how he’ll choose to be depicted. Will he be painted atop a mighty steed? Emerging from the waters in a giant clamshell? In cubic abstraction?

Here are a few good pictures of Chris Christie that Newton might consider for inspiration:

Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty)
Photo: Matt Slocum (AP)
Photo: Paul Sancya (AP)
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty)
Photo: Andrew Burton (Getty Images)

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Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.