Chris Evans Needs to Stop

Shhhhhh.
Photo: Getty Images

In this house (the Splinter house), we have a (mostly) unified ranking of the Chrises. From best to worst it’s: Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt. Some people would swap Pine and Hemsworth, some would swap Hemsworth and Evans, but that particular inclination is increasingly proving itself to be a terrible mistake, because Chris Evans has a fatal flaw. He is Extremely Online.

The whole thing is almost too true to life, honestly. You meet a cute guy. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s got a corny job and corny personality but kind of knows he’s corny and that’s...sort of... charming???? More than anything, he looks great with a beard and he’s got a good as hell dog, and there’s no character quirk that those facts can’t overcome, right? Then you Google him and see this shit:

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This dude is a reply guy. A Donald Trump reply guy!!!

Look, using your platform to make it clear that Captain America is not MAGA is fine. Good, even. But….

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Whyyyyyyy.

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Ahem, nope.

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And this?? I’ve had enough.

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If the #Resistance engagement-hungry persona isn’t enough to make your stomach turn, let’s direct our attention to this problematic tweet about “Straight Pride.”

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I uh, where to even begin with this? Oh, thank you, Louisa.

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“Chris...no” is actually a decent mantra to apply to all of this. It feels telling, or at the very least notable, that Evans is the nephew of former Massachusetts congressman Mike Capuano, who lost his seat last year to current Rep. Ayanna Pressley. Maybe Evans, like his uncle, has a few things to learn about what it means to fall back and step aside, even if your intentions are “good.”

Also telling: Evans reportedly just learned what Black Twitter was (?????) and his ensuing tweet does not convince me that he understands it.

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There’s apparently a running joke in Avengers: Endgame (that’s right, I haven’t seen it!!!) where Captain America’s butt is repeatedly referred to as “America’s ass.” That’s fine—from what I can tell, it’s a nice tush!!! America loves your booty, Chris, but uh, maybe it’s time to stop showing your whole ass online.

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