Slay queen!!!!
Photo: AP (CIA Handout)

On Friday, the Central Intelligence Agency published a Twitter thread praising Gina Haspel, the deputy CIA director whom President Trump has nominated to head the agency. (Trump has nominated Mike Pompeo, the current CIA director, to replace Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State.)

According to the thread, Haspel joined the CIA because the CIA is extremely woke.

Haspel makes becoming a cog in the United States’ secret world police sound like a fun study abroad trip:

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A spy novel! Wow, sounds exciting!

During her time in Africa, Haspel even managed to “survive” a coup d’etat—an event which I’m sure the CIA had no role in whatsoever. ;-)

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The CIA would like to remind you that Haspel is an inspiring feminist icon for carrying out the United States’ clandestine foreign policy agenda overseas.

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In the end, the CIA’s Twitter account tells us, the real coup d’etat was the friends Haspel made along the way.

For some reason, I’m having trouble finding the part of the CIA’s Twitter thread that talks about the details of Haspel’s work during George W. Bush’s presidency. You know, the period when Haspel ran a CIA black site in Thailand where people were tortured as part of the agency’s “extraordinary rendition” program? Maybe Haspel directed her agents to destroy those tweets in an industrial shredder in violation of a court order.

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But that’s all beside the point. Let’s raise a glass—another victory for feminism! Yaaasss queen! Slay mama!!!